Life goes on ….
Three Septembers ago, I heard the fear in her voice. We sat in her backyard drinking coffee with the chiminea aglow, her face mostly in shadows except for the tears trickling down her cheeks.Her fear was not for herself, not for the days ahead when the beast would have its way with her, taking a breast was not enough, it would soon claim all of her.
She worried how he would get along without her, how he would handle the silence, shop for groceries, care for three children off in different directions, while juggling a demanding career, remember to keep doctor appointments etc.
Her voice lowered to a whisper. She told me she did something very right all those years ago, she married a wonderful man. When she was diagnosed, he was there, telling her it was their battle. When she was sick, he cared for her without her asking. When she cried, he held her and comforted her and not once did she have to ask, he was always there for her.
She looked at me with eyes that pleaded for answers.
“When I am gone, who will care for him? What if this happens to him, who will be there for him?”
She knew how essential his support had been in the early days, it was even more so now.
I wrapped a blanket around her and refilled her coffee as she looked up at the stars. A symphony of crickets filled the damp night air.She turned to look at me, pointing to the heavens.
“Do you see that really bright star over those old oak trees?”
I nodded, holding back tears, selfishly wondering what I was going to do without her.
She continued, “Right there, right there is where I want him to look for me. We’ve sat out here for 30 years and there’s always a bright star right over those trees. Me and the Oaks, that’s where I’ll be.”
Her voice trailed off, perhaps she was wondering how far away she’d be.
“He needs to remarry, you know. He’s a good man, some woman will be happy with him……..perhaps Diana would be a good fit for him? You know, I can see them together; they’d probably live in her home. Or maybe you should make sure he finds someone who loves to dance; I never liked it but he always loved dancing. You will need to keep your eye on him, to make sure he goes on.”
Three weeks later she slipped into a coma.
He called me to sit with him. When I arrived he was painting her toe nails, her pillow had recently been fluffed. He had her favorite candles burning and a photo of them on the nightstand. He held her hand so tenderly and told me that even then, with her bald head and emaciated body, he looked at her and saw a gorgeous woman who loved him with all she had every day and every night. My heart ached for them, for what they were losing....and especially for him.
They used to glance at each other across a room and everyone recognized the look. He looked at her the same way right up until the end.
She slipped quietly away the next day.
Last night I attended his wedding – alone.
He looked at his new bride and I once again recognized the look of love. At the reception she told me his my friend, his former wife, wrote a letter to "the woman he would marry after she was gone". She said it was the most touching, thoughtful letter, stained with her tears…… welcoming her into his life, the life she left behind.
She was quite a woman, that friend of mine.
I heard someone ask them if they’d be living in her house. She said, “No, we will live in his house, it has the most magnificent view of the night sky, right over the old oaks.”
I knew what that meant, more importantly, I knew what that meant to him.
How sweet, how wonderful, two people who truly love and understand each other.
We should all be so blessed. He found it twice, I’m still searching for once -perhaps someday.
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