These days, I often find myself stopped in my own tracks, wondering how my youngest will make his, wanting the best for him but am so unsure of which direction to point him.
Mothers.
Fathers
Parents
It's not a job that ends when they graduate and go off to conquer the world. I've found that is often when they need us the most. Sometimes it is only for us to be still and listen to them speak the words, their fears, out loud for the first time.
As my youngest has just dropped out of college and is desperately searching for which path to follow, thoughts of him consume my quiet moments. I dearly love him. It's not that I want to remove this painful time from his life, we all have to learn that pain moves us out of that place in one way or another. It's that I want him to know, really know, that sometimes we are being lead in a new direction.... one we may not clearly see for years.
In my own life, my life mentor was also my professional mentor. I hated him the instant I met him. He knew me better than I knew myself. He saw me for what a was, his project, and knew he had a job to do and that he would emerge the victor from having transformed me. It was a rough time for me. He was intense and demanding. Somewhere in the process, I realized he was there to mold me and that I would leave that internship as a reflection of him.
I grew to love him, dearly love him. I grew more that year than I ever thought possible.... and miss him even today, 32 years later. Perhaps my son is being moved towards such an individual. One thing I know for certain, he will be that sort of individual for someone else some day. It's the journey that is uncertain. I will love him through these times.....and the good times.
This quote spoke to me......
"Child, when do you think is the time to love somebody the most; when they done good and made things easy for everybody? Well then, you ain't through learning -- because that ain't the time at all. It's when he's at his lowest and can't believe in hisself 'cause the world done whipped him so. When you starts measuring somebody, measure him right child, measure him right. Make sure you done taken into account what hills and valleys he come through before he got to wherever he is."
~ From Raisin in the Sun by
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This sentiment is exactly why I waited so long to become a parent... knowing that I would be responsible for this person, would care for this person, until I left this earth! It seemed like such a huge responsibility, and it is, but I am loving the journey now.
ReplyDeleteI hope your son finds his path. Sometimes it just takes a while.
Lovely images and posts you have here. I'll be back for another visit.
Roban