Parental Advice from "The Parent's Tao Te Ching"

The Parent's Tao Te Ching." - I found this through another blog, I have this book and had forgotten it. I am grateful to have my memory jogged and want to introduce it to you or jog your memory. Although it refers to parents in the title, this wonderful book is great advice for many relationships... .and even for adult children.

As I post this, my 22-year old son is desperately trying to find his path in life. He has a few years of college under his belt and no direction for a major. He is taking a break, considering spending a year in service to others or as a volunteer, rather than continue to accumulate debt in a major he has no interest in.

As a parent, it is so easy to watch your kids excel, so hard to see them unhappy or fail in sports, a project, a relationship etc. I believe we all try hard to give them good advise so they won't have to go through the lessons we learned the hard way. In the end, I think they, like we, have to have those experiences to really learn those lessons.

As I've grown older and wiser, I've really tried to learn lessons from reading and listening to others.

One lesson I took to heart came from a one-time blind date. No chemistry but as a person, he was delightful. He told me that as a divorced mother I had to STOP trying to fix my sons' lives, stop giving them rules that they would break.

He told me to empower them to make wise choices - to let them fail under my watch while I was still able to guide them towards the "fix", not do it for them.

"Let them grow to be a man, under your watch.... let them fail while you can guide them back on course. If you don't do this, the world will beat them up, one sucker punch than two, and they will have no knowledge of how to get back in the fight."

I listened.

I absorbed.

I often remind myself how important the final years of being "under my watch" are.

Still it is hard. I love them dearly. I remember how hard those same lessons were in my life and relive them silently and painfully as they go through them.

The pleasure of being a mother never ends, nor do the heartaches.

From the book, "The Parent's Tao Te Ching."

The child you see today
will not be here tomorrow.

The child arriving home from school,
is different from the one who left home
this morning.

Every moment is a death of all that
has gone before, and a birth of all that is to come.

You must jump into the river and let it carry you
on its journey. If you stop it you will drown.

Life's experiences shape us everyday. Think about all the new things you learn and the experiences that change your life. Now, imagine being a child! They are so "moldable" - every day so many things and experiences are new.

I've always been told wise parents step back and let life happen, not try to remove them from those experiences........and are always ready when needed - knowing when to be delicate, strong and flexible.